Polyamory, or this need to have multiple meaningless sexual connections is another illusion that is created by our unconscious mind.
What is the source of this desire? Where does it come from?
From our very low self-esteem, lack of any self-worth, insecurities, and the feeling of inadequacy.
There is this unconscious belief: ”I am not worthy of true love.” Which means you do not believe that someone can choose you, be faithful to you because you do not see why, you do not know your own value.
And there is this profound fear that intimate relationship would reveal this inadequacy. And when it is revealed, you would be definitely rejected. So these two profound fears: 1)to reveal your unworthiness, and 2)to be rejected, to be abandoned, push you to choose random shallow connections.
These meaningless connections are the attempts to find identity and to validate your ego. These short bright moments when you present some version of yourself to your date, and to yourself, boost your pride, keeping you on a safe distance.
Like a beggar, you are desperate for the attention of men/women, and use this attention to cover up your wound that you are not aware of. You chase pleasure to avoid your pain.
For a woman, random connections means she is deeply confused, has no value of herself, has father or abandonment wound. She seeks approval and love that she never received from her father by giving away her body to anyone who gives her some sign of attention, hoping that if she does that, they will love her, choose her etc.
Longterm this behaviour will destroy her ability to trust, to be vulnerable and to feel which is the essence of women. It will kill her soul. She will become cynical, passive aggressive and angry at life, men and herself.
For a man, a lot of sexual connections means he has very low self esteem, feels very insecure about himself. He is confused and suffer inside from this fear that his inadequacy can be revealed. He has to hide it, by getting lost in endless chatting on dating apps, random hookups, one night stands.
Longterm this behaviour will destroy all that a man can be, can become. His soul will accumulate so much shame and regret that at some point in life he will loose his ability to feel, to connect to himself. He will become cynical, numb, aggressive and cruel, silently (or not) hating himself, women, and life.
Illusions, or how people justify this behaviour:
1 It’s freedom.
In reality there is no freedom when your life is ruled by fears and insecurities. By your unconscious mind and disconnection from your soul. True freedom comes from facing your fears- not running away from them.
2 I need experience in bed.
Nobody needs an experienced person in bed – nobody asks for a CV like this. Instead we all want someone who will be able to listen to us, and to give pleasure to us – not to hundreds people before us. And normally people with a lot of sexual connections do not have this capacity. With them, it’s almost automatic- they do the same things with everybody.
3 Age related.
While you would think that you do it just for some period of time (specific age), in reality things are much sadder: the more you indulge your lust without self- control, and sincere emotions towards your partner, the more shame and regret your soul will accumulate. By the age when you think you are ready to love, you would surprisingly find out that you can’t. You would discover that it became a part of your identity, and you have no idea how to get out of this. Things will be even more automatic, pleasure will be questionable. And you would become even more cruel, cynical, and your shame and regret would turn into hatress against yourself, and the others.
In reality, what you look for in all these intimate connections is only one thing: to be truly loved and accepted. But all those promiscuous activities lead you far away from this in the opposite direction: towards degradation and complete disconnection from yourself and your soul’s desires.
When you start working on yourself, you will clearly see that your body doesn’t need so many bodies, your soul definitely doesn’t need so many souls. One person is more than enough… We have to learn how to love someone, and it starts from learning how to love yourself. And self-discovery is a beautiful never-ending process. Just like loving someone else!
According to Carl Jung, the sexual and the sacred are placed very near in our psyche.
Because sex is the only experience that allows us to feel intimacy and love physically. It’s a magical sacred process. But to feel it like that, you have to liberate yourself from your shadows of low self value, low self-worth and fear to be abandoned. You have to find courage to look into your soul of a wounded child and to heal it.