The path of personal development is unique for each of us, it’s messy, as it should be, but we still can find the common stages. Here they are:
- Work with the trauma (inner child);
2. Personal growth (ego);
3. Spiritual growth (soul).
These parts of psyche only symbolically represents those stages. In life they are present all together in all three stages. Your soul should be present in each of these stages.
Stage 1. Work with trauma.
Should be the first step, the foundation for the later phases of growth. This is the stage where you work with your childhood trauma and overcoming the infantile period of existence, which is often caused by this trauma.
A feeling of insecurity, fear of rejection, toxic shame and guilt, an intense need for approval or grandeur – all these things were formed due to some gaps in the emotional and psychological development in childhood.
And the goal of this part of the personal growth journey is precisely that: to find those gaps, consciously complete the stage of childhood and get rid of infantile patterns of the perception of yourself and the world. To descent back into your childhood to reexamine the processes that happened there but now as an adult who has much more energy, understanding and strength to do it.
Psychology helps to do this work: it descends into the basement of the personality, unearths the junk of the past, and attempts to restore order there. People who ignore this step, who want to quickly reach the heights, success, etc. rather than digging through their own dirty laundry, end up not only with the impassable wall, but with various psychosomatic disorders and panic attacks. It is precisely intensive personal growth without proper trauma integration that causes increasing psychological glitches. And it is precisely working with childhood trauma that allows personal growth to reach new, impressive horizons if you ever find yourself stuck.
In reality, few people begin their journey here, because recognizing their own significant share of infantilism is only possible for those with a less-than-infantile consciousness. This is, so to speak, the first quest on the path. But, of course, all human growth is not equal to working with trauma. This is only the first, very initial stage.
Stage 2. Personal growth.
The stage includes the work with all areas of life, material goods, fulfillment in business, etc. This is a significant period of strengthening the ego, developing the will, realizing the power of consciousness, and growing further your self-reflection.
The personal quest here is to understand oneself and re – create oneself based on what you have discovered, an initial set of abilities and traits, but not to invent entirely. So that you do in life what YOUR soul is designed to do – not somebody else’s.
The main challenge here is there is no ‘the right way’. And this is the whole point of the personal growth. You have to find the answers to these complex questions by yourself. To take responsibility for mistakes, course correction, to deal with challenges and life paradoxes on the journey.
Personal growth tools are varied. From time management to professional coaching. Everything related to goal setting and to its achievement in the broadest sense. Is it possible to live without a goal? Yes, of course, as long as you like. Is it possible to achieve personal growth without a goal? No, or almost no. At some stages of personal growth, a goal is necessary
Stage 3. Spiritual growth.
At this stage, we are talking about the full realisation of a person. Something greater than themselves emerges. This is the stage when the ego gives way to the Self, and consciousness. But achieving this without a strong, developed, and highly reflective consciousness is technically impossible. And to give up your ego, first you have to have this ego.
These processes cannot be realized by someone with an infantile mindset. Only a person who has advanced along the path of personal realization can seriously scale the ladder of spiritual growth, if one day they are ready.
About all 3 stages.
The point is that even serious personal growth is impossible without working with childhood trauma first. And full spiritual growth is only possible after completing the previous two stages, but this only works in a linear world. We live in a much more complex reality.
Yes, up to a certain point, the process of working with trauma can go in parallel with personal growth. And spiritual development – with personal growth. But all this only up to a certain point. Beyond that, we encounter the well-known phenomenon of the ceiling, or, more accurately, the wall.
The way out is to complete the steps that were skipped. And it would seem like great news: there is a way out, and it works: descend, complete your puzzle, and continue your personal ascent toward the heights of the spirit. Isn’t that wonderful news?
But it’s not that simple.
A person’s own ego gets in the way.
How?
We’re dealing with a person who’s already advanced along the path of personal growth. And what are we asking them to do? Admit that they have a significant amount of untreated infantilism? Show me someone who, at 35-45 years old, with a good job and a good income, high social status, easily admits that it’s precisely their infantile side and the unexplored stages of childhood trauma that are holding them back? It is really rare. Especially when our society is programmed that success equals being materially rich. You sort of reached the destination, right? (Wrong:)
In general, it’s important to note that robust and strong personal growth without a major spiritual shift will appear far more pleasant, balanced and honest than premature spirituality, even in its sincere attempt. Because repressed desires and unprocessed pain are… creepy. And working with them and transforming them will be your best gift for humanity than a false spirituality out of unconscious desire to bypass them.