What happens if we don’t rebuild our personal boundaries?

Why it’s crucial that we work on rebuilding our personal boundaries?

Because we keep on accepting the same attitude in our adult life as we had in our childhood. 

And if lets say at 25 it looks like – ok, this person has to work on himself, but at 65 it looks ugly- a person with a grown up body with the consciousness of a child. 

What does mean – the same attitude?

Here is an example, a very common one: if your parents were not loving, were emotionally distant, even rejected you, you would carry inside this belief that you deserve this, that for some reason you did something to deserve this, that this distant disengaged, even abusive attitude is ok, or even more- these are all the signs of love. That’s why often when a person finishes one abusive relatiosnhsips, he or she finds another- with the same abusive attitude. And unfortunately he or she blames that abusive partner – without any attempt to search the problem within himself/herself.

If you were controlled heavily and were not trusted to have your opinion, your emotional reactions, you grew up with the beliefs that you are incapable of making your own decisions, that’s why you need a despotic boss who for sure knows what you should do. Or some authority in your life to make decisions for you, to depend on – sometimes parents play this role.

Or, a more positive example (but the outcome is the same), when the family is sort of positive. And parents take care of the children. But there is this idea of sacrifice in the air when parents give a lot, provide a good living, but implying that now children own them. For life. This case is even worse than two previous ones because children live in this golden cage where they get attached to their parents by sort of love. And doing something that parents do not approve of can cause a lot of shame, profound guilt and very deep fear of losing that love, resources to live.

In all these cases you would subconsciously choose life that is not authentically yours! You would choose the life of suffering. Your destroyed personal boundaries will not allow you to even get closer to what you are destined to be and to do.

In essence, personal boundaries means you know who you are, you trust that you can make right decisions, you rely on yourself in life, you choose where to work, whom to love, how to dress, etc. It’s your choice and you trust it. You are liberated to live the life on your terms. If your personal boundaries are destroyed, you need validation of others- always. To convince you that you are enough, that you are worthy, others to tell you what to do in your life, which path to follow, whom to love etc.
And isn’t it a dreadful life to live?…