This habit is your blind zone

Self neglect is a habit developed from the unhealed abandonment wound.

When a child feels abandoned, this sends him an unspoken message: “You are not important”, “Your needs, your emotions, your desires, your loving, you do not matter”
So neglecting your health, your well being, your emotions, your pain, neglecting your needs, your desires, ambitions and dreams feels like a natural thing for you because you do not have another reality – where this is NOT ok.

Self-care provokes such a deep feeling of guilt that you stop any efforts of doing it. Because you are convinced you deserve misery and struggle. Spending money on things that are not crucial for your survival is out of the question

Your value, your self worth is measured only by validation from others. To yourself you are zero. So you are constantly on the lookout for that other .

That’s why you will think that serving others or sacrificing yourself for them is what you are meant to do. And you can’t commit to develop your personal interests – that actually your soul is calling for, because you dont really believe they matter, that you matter…

You have no capacity to actually choose a partner proactively: you accept any attention from anyone. That’s why romantic relationships become your survival kit and your prison, because no matter the quality of this relationship, you simply must keep them to survive. Because the idea of being abandoned is much scarier than to struggle. Because at least this one person validates you…

All your emotions are superficial, and you have no access to profound joy and love because your pain is at the gate to get there. In the difficult moments you simply stay numb or closed – not being able to accept support or to share your emotions.

But there are those rare moments when you allow yourself to remember – to remember how hurtful it was, to remember the pain of your abandoned child. Your memories of childhood still bring you tears.

Your way towards healing is through your tears. Only when you have enough courage to look into that pain, to live through it, you will be able to get access to everything that has been waiting for you for so long: your joy, your pleasure, your happiness. Your birthright to live an abundant life. To take the best possible care of yourself and to dare to go after your dreams.